Easter dinners

Uncle Nick, afraid to hold her. This was his first time ever!


Lizzie, his fiance loves her


Grampa Cardon


Aunt Maggie playing with Marlee


We always have 2 family dinners to go to on holidays. My moms started at 2, we showed up late. It was just lunch with all my brothers and their girl friends if they have one. My mom bought Marlee a little Easter dress, well it was a little big on her, but it still looked really cute.
Next was dinner at Aunt Maggies house with my dads family. It was the first time meeting Marlee for most of them there so she was passed around the whole time. David was undefeated in the fooseball tournament they had all day. It was a nice relaxed Easter.

Day with Grama

Thrursday David went out with Ryan so Marlee and me went to my moms for the day. We brought my pack and play to stay there for when Marlee comes, we dont have room for it anywhere in our apt so it can stay there. We went to a book store and to visit a friend. When we got home grama watched Marlee while I caught up on much needed sleep.
I couldnt figure out how to finish putting together the extras on the pack n play so Austin finished it when he got home from school. Him and Branden were on pacifier duty for a while. Any time she would make any noise they would run over to her with it.
Grama days are nice and relaxing for me. I think we will have more of them!

Rocky and Marlee

Best buds already



They are holding hands



She popped his binkie out



All of us sleepin in Marens big comfy bed

Over Easter weekend we all got together at Marens house for Easter fun. Teresa her kids David and I all slept there Friday night. Saturday morning while Teresa was taking the older kids to Easter egg hunts David and I stayed home with the babies and tried to sleep some more. I had been up ALL night with Marlee hurting from her ear infection and still didnt sleep any more because the babies were playing.
They are going to be the next Star and Braxton pair!

Marlee Moo

Just laying with daddy



This is how much she loves our bed, she really has room to stretch out lol.



She loves falling asleep like this on me



Full tummy

She loves to sit with us and look around. Her eyes are still blue, but are getting darker. A darker shade of blue for now.


We are kind of slacking on the picture taking thing. Teresa has more pictures of Marlee than we do! So here are the few that we do have. Now that I am not a walking zombie (most days) I will take more.

Other updates...we had a WIC appointment last week where they measured her. She has already gained all her weight back plus 2 oz. We have her 2 week check up appointment Friday so we will see how much more she has gained. She is a chunker!
She has been giving me breastfeeding problems. I have one good boob, the other nipple is about to fall off so I am pumping that side for now. If it wasnt so offensive I would take a picture and post it so you can all see how bad it hurts. It actually hurts worse than looking at it. (when feeding) the pump isnt too bad. Still painful, but tolerable.
I have been getting worse with with postpartum depression so I finally called my Dr, his nurse told me I could just come up and pick up some samples of Lexapro to try. I picked them up but have way too many questions to just start taking them. I am not a fan of pills of any sort. Before, and during my pregnancy I didnt even take Tylenol for headaches. I just find other ways to handle pain or whatever. It takes a few days of a cold before I will go buy medicine and usually its just cough drops. SO this is a huge step for me to take these pills and I know nothing about them. I dont know if it is safe for me to be breastfeeding while I take them, when I want to quit taking them are they going to give me side affects? What side affects am I going to have while taking them?? Anyone have any clue??!!
I had a few rants that I dont think I blogged about so I am going to write them just so I can look back and remember what upset me so much in the first week. Most of you have already heard these tho.
First day I got home from the hospital David had to go back to work, so my first night I was alone. I dont think I slept at all I was up worrying about EVERYTHING! Trying to count how many diapers she was going thru. Counting hours in between feedings to make sure she was eating enough. Worrying that my milk hadnt come in yet so she wasnt getting enough milk. Then repeating that the next day while David slept. I didnt wake him up to ask for help, I just handled everything on my own which was the worst thing I could have done! He over slept while I didnt at all that whole first weekend, then he went back to work and I was home alone again. My postpartum blues turned into huge anxiety attacks, which turned into huge sob fests. After a few more days of being alone I now am deathly afraid of being alone with the baby. Not in fear of hurting her because of this depression, but worrying that I am not doing anything right, or that something is going to go wrong. So when David wants to leave it has been starting HUGE fights. His friend Ryan is leaving out of town for 4 months this weekend so they have been wanting to go do things before he is gone. I have huge issues with this and talking about when he is going to leave, or right before he leaves, or when he comes back are the biggest depression moments I have. This Thrs he is supposed to be gone all day, well I already know it is going to be horrible so I am not looking forward to Thrs at all!
So things that added to the depression were the pediatrician we HAD to go to the day after we came home. She needed a jaundice check so at the hospital we had to make an appointment before we could leave. Well we got there and the Dr couldnt even do the check at the clinic, he wanted to send us to another hospital the next day. That is not what we asked for and our hospital wanted it done that day. Then he said she was losing to much weight (8.5%) so I needed to start her on formula. I was taking Hydrocodone and Ibuprofen for pain and swelling, well according to him moms only take pain medication for 1 day and then quit so they can breastfeed. That was another reason I wasnt good enough to bf. So I quit taking all medication besides my antibiotic for 2 days because this stupid Dr told me it was bad for my baby. We ended up going to our hospitals lab to get her jaundice test, it came back ok or negative. She didnt have jaundice! But all these things were just weighing me down, plus the no sleeping. I was maybe getting 4 or 5 hours of sleep a day, and I had NO appetite what so ever. Unless I remembered I hadnt eaten yet for the day I wouldnt. I just was not hungry, and because I wasnt eating I was shaking all the time. By the time the cracked nipple happend I was ready to give up on everything. Every feeding I would cry the whole time, not just little tears. They were huge crocodile tears with sobbing and pain sounds. I was awake now because I was afraid for the next time she was going to be hungry because I had to feed her. I wasnt talking to David because every time I did we would end up fighting and it would bring on another anxiety attack/cry fest. All this in a week and a half!
Then the weekend came. Susan was in town. I got out of the house for the first time and went to Teresas to visit. I was in pain still but it was worth it to have people to talk to. We ended up out of the house every day that weekend with the family. I was doing tons better and even somehow got thru to David about how I was feeling. But now its back to being alone at night and having more anxiety attacks. This week I have been able to catch up on some sleep. I still dont think I have been able to get 8 hours of sleep in one night/day, but I feel like I am doing better.
Now back to the thought of introducing the pills. I am stuck and am not sure what I am going to do, but I know I can not continue with anxiety like this every time David goes to work. Or somewhere else where I am left alone.

That is my life right now, I will have to post more often because they turn into novels like this when I wait too long.
Marlee is doing great, no matter how much I worry every thing is perfect with her. My grandpa picked me a fool proof baby. She only cries when she is hungry or has gas, and lately when she wants to cuddle. She smiles a lot in her sleep, and when she is awake she is perfectly happy just sitting with anyone and looking around. She goes crossed eyed lots but still looks cute. She loves the shower. She hates the bath tub. She has a very strong neck. She will hold her head up to get a good look at you, or to make you look her in the eyes when her head is on your shoulder. And she scoots her head into your neck to snuggle better. We love her and love spending time with her!

Baby Tag!

1. WAS YOUR PREGNANCY PLANNED?
YES AND NO. WE SAID FOR ABOUT 2 WEEKS WE WANTED ONE AND THEN REALIZED WE NEEDED TO WAIT, BUT IT WAS TOO LATE.

2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME?
YES FOR 8 MONTHS

3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS?
I KNEW BEFORE I ACTUALLY FOUND OUT, BUT WHEN I HELD THE LITTLE STICK IN MY HAD, OKAY THE 3 STICKS I GOT BUTTERFLIES, AND THEN THREW UP.

4. WAS AN ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU?
NOT EVEN A THOUGHT!

5. HOW OLD WERE YOU?
20

6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT?
I THINK I WAS SICK FOR ABOUT A WEEK BEFORE WE ACTUALLY WENT AND BOUGHT ANY TESTS.

7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST?
WELL I WAS TEXTING DAVID BUT I THINK MY MOM WAS THE FIRST PERSON I TOLD AND I WAS SCAAAARED!!!

8. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX?
YES I EVEN FOUND OUT EARLY BECAUSE I COULDNT WAIT

9. DUE DATE?
ORIGINALLY IT WAS FEB 16 BUT I WASNT AS FAR ALONG AS WE THOUGHT I WAS SO IT CHANGED TO MARCH 16 AND THEN SOMEHOW IT CHANGED TO MARCH 20 AND THEY JUST NEVER TOLD ME

10. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS?
FOR 4 1/2 MONTHS. I LOST 20 LBS

11. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE?
ORANGE JUICE, FRUIT, KRISPE KEME AT THE END

12. WHAT IRRITATED YOU?
MY BACK ALWAYS HURTING, MY FACE BREAKING OUT, DAVID LEAVING ME TO GO OUT WITH RYAN. THE LAST WEEK EVERYTHING IRRITATED ME.

13. WHAT WAS THE SEX?
LITTLE GIRL!

14. DID YOU WISH IT WERE THE OPPOSITE?
NO, I WAS AFRAID SHE WAS GOING TO COME OUT A BOY AND I HAD SPENT ALL THAT TIME GETTING TO KNOW A LITTLE GIRL IN MY BELLY SO I WAS GOING TO FEEL LIKE I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THAT BABY IF IT WERE A BOY.

15. HOW MUCH WEIGHT DID YOU GAIN?

UM I THINK 30 LBS

16. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER?
I HAD 2 SHOWERS

17. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY?
NONE AT ALL, THE DR KEPT SAYING MY BODY WAS ON AUTOPILOT, EXCEPT MY IRON WAS LOW BUT IT NORMALLY WAS BEFORE I GOT PREGNANT.

18. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH?
ALTA VIEW HOSPITAL

19. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR?
I GUESS IF LABOR STARTED WHEN I GOT THAT MEDICINE THEN IT WAS 16 HOURS?

20. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL?
DAVID

21. WHO WAS IN THE ROOM WHEN YOU GAVE BIRTH?
BESIDES THE DR AND NURSES, DAVID MY MOM AND TERESA

22. WAS IT NATURAL OR A C-SECTION?
NATURAL WITH EPIDURAL

23. DID YOU TAKE MEDICATION TO EASE THE PAIN?
THE EPIDURAL, SOMETHING BEFORE THAT AND SHOTS AFTER

24. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH?
8 LBS 11 OZ

25. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN?
MARCH 23, 2009 4:12 PM

26. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER?
MARLEE ELIZABETH JOHNSON

Marlee is here!

This is me sleeping with my epidural


Still waiting to be fully dilated...



Finally time to start pushing..



First time I actually remember holding my baby



I was too out of it to know what was going on



Our awesome nurse giving Marlee her first bath.



She really doesnt like it



All clean and happy, this is a small smile



Daddy loving on his baby girl



She got all prettied up the next day



This is her on the first day after her bath



Me and my baby




Okay so story time....as hard as I tried to get her to come out with tips from everyone on how to get her out. She just didnt want to come till she was good and ready. We were walking every where and going out visiting family all week. I was cleaning and even moving some furniture around until I decided it was pointless to put myself thru the pain of contractions when she wasnt budging!
So we took the last few days easy, went out on our last date alone for a long time, spent time together at home trying to calm our nerves. All day Sunday we didnt know what to do to waste the time! We still hadnt packed a hospital bag so that was on the to do list. The base for the car seat still needed to be put in the car and we wanted to go see baby Neolani in the hospital before we went in. Well being the procrastinators that we are, we ended up doing all this last minute. My mom was on her way to meet us to go see the baby while I was packing the bag and David was trying to figure out how to install the base. The instructions were only in spanish so he couldnt figure it out and was getting frusterated. We ended up leaving the base at home thinking we wouldnt need it, we were wrong. We got down and saw the baby for a little bit and headed up to my dads house in Bountiful so I could get a blessing before we went to the hospital.
We got to the hospital at 8:45 just as it started snowing! Snow just seems to come on all our important days (our wedding day it snowed) We got to our room, I got in my lovely buttless gown and the nurse came in to start the night. She was the only nurse we didnt like thru our entire stay at the hospital. She didnt like to talk very much and she was really grouchy. She gave me the medicine that goes next to your cervix (not sure what its called) and started my iv around 10. My mom came to drop off my little brothers cell phone charger so we could call or text every one when things started happening, she was there for maybe 5 min and the nurse came in and kicked her out.
Around 3am my water broke on its own. I was about to get up to go to the bathroom so I thought I had just peed myself but when it didnt stop coming out I woke up David because I couldnt reach the button to call the nurse. He thought I was making it up because the Dr was supposed to pop my water in the morning. When it started dripping on the floor he realized I wasnt lying.
The contractions started getting bigger and worse so around 445 I got my epidural.
The anesthesiologist was really nice, and another nurse came in to help with it. She was awesome too. It hurt, but not as bad as getting the iv did. I got the shakes really bad but was burning up the whole time. I HATE the feeling of being numb. I didnt know what to expect after getting an epidural but not being able to move wasnt even in my mind!! I kind of freaked out when I woke up and couldnt push myself up. I did sleep a lot better tho.
I dont really remember too much during the day, just being really hungry and nauseous and sleeping. I did get to drink water and sprite and I could eat popcycles. David didnt sleep much after my water broke, but tried to get little naps in here and there. We played family fued on the internet to keep us busy but I fell asleep a lot.
Our nurses that came in at 8 were awesome! We had the one nurse, but she had a student following her all day. We originally said we didnt want any trainees or students, but she was so awesome and the other nurse only let her do certain things and watched closely while she did.
We started calling people to come to the hospital around 1ish because every one showed up right as the Dr announced I was fully dilated and needed to start pushing. I was in shock! The last time they checked me about an hour before I was only at a 7. I was really scared and didnt know what was about to happen, but pushing wasnt bad for the first hour and a half. I think it was about the last half hour of real pushing that it started to hurt.
My epidural was wearing off a bit and by the time I hit the button again it was too late. Her head coming out wasnt so bad but her shoulder and everything else about killed me. I didnt even know it but I let out screams of pain when that happend. I was really seeing every thing in a blur I hurt so much. The Dr ended up needing to make a small cut, and I tore a little more.
As soon as she was out they put her on my chest right next to my face. I remember grabbing whatever I could in front of me and I could feel her little hand grabbing my face, but my eyes were either closed or I was hurting too much to see anything. The Dr was getting my placenta during that and then went straight for the stitches...no breaks in between. I dont even know when or who took the baby off my chest. I could feel the needle from the stitches so they had to give me shots to numb me more, those hurt real good too.
After that I dont really know what went on. My mom was holding my hand, David was running back and forth from me and the baby getting checked out. I saw blood and just decided it was time for me to close my eyes. I could have fallen asleep right then and slept all night if I didnt have such a beautiful baby to look at.
Some time after she was all done getting checked and weighed and what ever was going on over in the corner David brought her over to me and I really got to see her for the first time with goo in her eyes.
Maren and Linda came in to see the baby but I was too tired for anyone. Every one got kicked out of the room while we got cleaned up, I got some food, Marlee got her first bath and we gathered our things to move to the next room.
By the time we were in the next room my dad had come, my litte brother and my uncle and I some how got a small spurt of energy back. The rest of the time in the hospital was really nice. I was pampered, Marlee was loved in the nursery by any one who got to see her. They kept me on pain pills so I never even felt any pain in the stitches till I got home.
I did get a UTI but I am not surprised, I get them very often and very easily. We came home Wed afternoon and for some reason I wasnt too tired. I think I slept off and on every now and then but really I was too awake waiting for the baby to wake up ready to eat again.
I only got 2 lessons of breast feeding in the hospital before I left and was feeling really unsure about it when I got home so that started a big cry session. I really underestimated the power of postpardom blues. They are hitting hard and at very random times over really dumb things. My mom has a friend who is a lactation person so she came over to save me. I may need her to come again because I still dont feel confident in what I am doing. I keep worrying that everything I am doing is wrong, that some thing is wrong with the baby, or me. I just dont know as much as I thought I did about caring for a newborn and its scary. I guess it is just some thing that will come with time.

Baby Shower!

My second baby shower was planned by my mom. We were rushing to finish setting every thing up by the time people started showing up. It was a little too long ago for me to remember too much about it. The food was good, I ate a lot haha. Chicken salad sandwiches and fruit and cake. My moms friends all helped with set up, food and games. I got TONS of clothes and diapers. That was pretty much the party....Teresa was there with Star and lots of people from work. David stayed the whole time even tho he said he wasnt going to. My older brother is getting married in August and his fiance came. He picked out the present they gave us. A Baby Jordan outfit. Other than that here are the pics I look half decent in. My face is breaking out horribly so I cant wait to get this little sucker out of me so my body can start going back to normal!